Ive been on Facebook for over a year now – and do use it a lot. I find it fun, entertaining and occasionally educational.

 

And sometimes I want to through the bloody laptop out the window because of it. Two things just made me want to scream this week. The first is an a=old “friend” who got engaged 2 years ago (same age as me) and in the years since then had got married, had one child and is “glowing” with a second. And wants the whole of Facebook to know about it. Makes me want to vomit. Shes the same age as me as well – why are my eggs curdled and yet I have to hear about the wonders of motherhood and how amazingly gorgeous it is to be able to breed constant;y as soon as you decide you want to.

Pah! Thank god for the Hide function. Go be glowing somewhere else and a long way away from my computer screen.

Next on the annoyance scale is the constant adverts about freebies to new mothers. WHAT??? How the hell does Facebook know Im failing to get pregnant and that its a great and fun idea to rub my nose in it. I tried blocking the adverts – but they just wont stop.

Why does the universe take cgreat delight in torturing us???

 

 

 

Blood tests. The curse of the infertile. Theres thousands of them.

Well, for the women there are anyway. The men get away with the odd sperm sample. embarrassing admittedly – but hardly the same as being constantly stuck with a bloody long needle every five minutes – which is how frequent it feels like.

Today was a day 21 progesterone check. 7 days till the end of the cycle and i have to start checking the loo paper a agin for microscopic signs of blood. Actually, my progesterone levels were too horrific prior to starting Clomid any way. Levels of 35-40 over two tests – which is much better than some people have to deal with. It doesnt help me however as the problem I have is knackered eggs – and no matter how good my hormone levels are – it wont make my eggs any younger or more viable.

In fact – buggered eggs is the one thing that modern medicine can’t really fix. Typical.

Funnily – im not that depressed at this stage. Maybe because I havent been through a failed cycle, and right now it still feels like something can be done and there some hope.

should have the results tomorrow – lets see just what this Clomid can do.

 

 

How is it that when you are not fertile and trying to become fertile – you can spot a microscopic amount of blood on a peice of tissue that whould take an army of scientists to detect normally?

It was day 18 of my cycle yesterday – the first cycle on Clomid, and I saw it fort thing in the morning. Such a tiny amount of blood – it was hardly there. And yet it might as well have been a pint for the way it made me feel. Why is it that we can see this?

It was 8.03 am by the time I called the Clinic in Wellington to speak to the nurse. I had to leave a message, but got a reply in the afternoon. Our doctor thinks the best way to proceed is to have a monitired cycle next month – if it turns out that I am not pregnant. So that means spending a lot of time in Wellington having scans and tests all month. Oh joy.

So – why is this happening? This is the second time I have had this spotting mid-cycle. The first time was in May, and when I say the first time I mean it. I have mentrual cycles you could set watches by normally. Or I did right up till the time I started trying to conceive – and then I started having 26,28,30,31 and even a 32 day cycle. Sods law in action. Just when I need to stay calm and collected when my period doesnt arrive – my cycles start screwing around.

Anyway – Ive never had a midcycle blled – so I panicked the last time. After it turned into a proper period – I did go to the donctirs, who had no idea what it was , and diagnosed an “unexplained mid-cycle bleed”. A second tends to suggest that in fact fertilisation may have occured and my uterus is traitorously refusing to allow it to implant.

So I still wont know for sure till at leat the end of next week whether im pregnant or not.

 

 

Im Infertile. Bloody great. At 37 I’ve been trying for a few years now to get pregnant, and finally about a year ago went to the doctors and had a load of tests which didn’t show anything up except im 37 and overweight. After 6 months I asked for a referral to a specialist, and had the appointment in September.

More tests – which also unsurprisingly said I was 37 and overweight, and my hormone levels were that of a – you guessed it – an overweight 37  year old.

At which point the specialist suggested an AMH test (anti mullerian hormone) which I was assuming would also tell me the blindingly obvious.

 

Except it didnt.

 

It said that my ovaries were in fact about 43 years old, and basically screwed.

And then came the dreaded news – I would probably only get pregnant through IVF treatment, and even then it was a longshot.

So Im now going down the log road of tests, treatments, hormones all over the place, stress, hassle and the need to overcome the urge to wallop any new mothers over the head for the unfairness of it all.

Ive decided to blog this after reading a really funny book: IVF Fertility goddess. It was hysterically funny, and i decided that I can either cry all the way through this process, or laugh about it and share the absurd things I am about to go through.

 

I choose to laugh. I actually like laughing – a lot. And while there will probably be tears (lots of them) along the way – it doesn’t mean we can’t laugh as well.